I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
