Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
