There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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