just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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