At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
