3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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