He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
