I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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