I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Panties = found
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
