maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
