College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
