Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
