The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
