you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
