Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
