I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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