just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
