Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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