she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
