i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
