So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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