Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
