I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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