see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
