were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
