I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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