You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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