just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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