Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
