i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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