dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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