Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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