Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just cropdusted the office
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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