I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
