I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
