I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
