You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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