You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
