Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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