and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There's a naked man in my car right now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
