We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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