She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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