Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
