It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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