Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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