shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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