the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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