How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
