He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
