You smell like stripper and shame
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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