Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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