Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
