My room smells like vodka and shame
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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