dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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