just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
