just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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